Picture Book Manuscript: View the Agent Submitted First Draft to Traditionally Published Book

Mar 24, 2024

Something I've been asked about pretty regularly recently, especially with my critique groups or people I'm mentoring with their writing or their publishing journey, is how much my writing changes from the first draft of a book to the final published in-stores, libraries, and bookshelves copy.

I wanted to share a sample of a picture book already out in the world (I am Somebody), from what I originally submitted through my agents to the publisher to the final manuscript before we moved into illustrations.

I wanted to share that journey with my community, and I hope people find it exciting to see and find solace in how much editing, changing, and evolution a story goes through from where you begin.

Introducing: I am Somebody, my six picture book I birthed out into the world.

FIRST DRAFT OF I AM SOMEBODY (Originally I am Someone) SUBMITTED TO MY LITERARY AGENTS BARBRA & LARY AT 22MEDIAWORKS (TO BE PACKAGED TO PITCHED TO PUBLISHERS)

Title: I am Someone

a book about doing your part.

By: Nyasha Williams

Walking to the bus Monday morning, I had my eyes on the ground, counting my steps and avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk. I couldn't believe all of the rubbish and trash littered on the floor. My walking pattern evolved into a new game, with me having to tiptoe around the discarded garbage, glass, and cans. I thought to myself, "Someone should do something about that".

When the school bus arrived, two kids pushed through everyone else to get the best seats on the bus. "Move out of our way!" they screeched. Students inline parted for them, afraid to of what would happen if they didn’t move. I thought, "Someone should speak up and say something about that".

I found a seat in the middle of the bus. I love being able to gaze at the world through the window and I almost sat down. There was chocolate milk spilled all over the seat cover, pouring over on to the bus floor. I can’t believe someone left such a mess. "Eww! Somebody should wipe that!"

I found a new seat at the back and sat down by the window. I leaned up against the glass watching the city go by. At closer glance, I noticed all the chewed gum dotting the windowsill. The sill was covered in a sticky rainbow of munched wads. "That's so gross," I think to myself, "Someone should remove that."

When we arrived at school, I climb off the bus and start making my way towards the school building. I notice the overflowing trashcans drowning in the garbage. I grab my nose as my nostrils are upset by the sharp stench. I know I wasn’t the only one offended by the smell. I wonder, "Where is the person to clean-up that?"

In class, Ms. Santos de la Rosa is teaching us about the five senses. One kid in my group took three pieces of chocolate instead of one. There wasn't enough chocolate to go around. Ms. Santos was upset, thinking that she must have miscounted and apologized to the two students who missed out. My stomach tightened, causing me to crouch over in pain. "Someone needs to say something," my mind screams at me. "I know I should have said something about that. I could be Someone."

Walking into the cafeteria, I join the hot-lunch line while my ears adjust to the symphony of roaring chatter. The kid in front of me grabs a chocolate pudding for their tray. AAAHHHCCHHHHOOoooo! He sneezes and puts the pudding he is holding back to grab a new bowl. My stomach starts doing summersaults. "Yuck!" my brain squeals. “Who does he think is supposed to eat that contaminated pudding? Someone needs to do something. Someone needs to say something!"

I got my tray filled up, deciding on no pudding today and sat down at our cafeteria table. My classmates began to slowly start joining me at the table. The child sitting across from me opens his lunch from home. Other students at our table start teasing and complaining about his food, saying “It looks so weird” and “Why does it smell so bad?” Their laughter echoed around and beyond our table.

I put down my taco midbite as my appetite had disappeared. The child being teased closed his lunch box and put his head down in shame. I felt awful, unable to make eye contact with anyone at the table. I knew what was being done was wrong. I knew that someone should tell them to stop. “Somebody needs to tell my classmates to stop.”

Out at recess, everyone outside is playing either kickball or jumping rope. One kid tries their hand at each activity, ending up getting kicked out of both. Those playing felt as though the kid wasn't playing well enough. The kid walked off the playground. My stomach started twisting and turning, bothering me again, and this time, I know what I have to do.

I can see the kid sitting crisscross on the field, head in their lap. I leave the game of kickball, even though I am up to kick next. The other kids aren't happy. I walk over to the kid on the field and ask what she would like to play. We start a game of tag, and by the end of recess, half our grade has joined our game on the grass.

It's time for snack after math, and Ms. Santos de la Rosa says we are welcome to get our snacks from our backpacks. Two students don't get up, staying seated, and avoiding all eye contact. I grab my snack bag and give one item to each of the students who remained seated. I have one more thing left for my snack, which is just right. I silently thank my parents for always packing more than I need.

When I get home from school, I enter the front door and I walk into a Lego disaster zone. I hang up my coat and backpack in the hall closet. My mom on a business call steps on some of the Legos while trying to get to her laptop and yelps. She mouths please help to me. I know it’s not my mess and that my twin sisters are the culprits, but I am Somebody and I can help.

That evening after dinner, at the table, my dad asks me what I learned in school today. I respond by saying, "I learned that there are messes and injustices everywhere. Some we create and some are made by others. But the true injustice to us and the world is to decide to do nothing at all.” My parents look at me with both surprise and admiration.

“We are all Someone, and we have to do our part”, I continue. "It is up to us to transform the world for the better, whether or not we are at fault.” The rest of the evening my family and I chatted in the living room over seconds of dessert. We worked together to create lists and action plans around how each and every day we can work to make the world a wonderful place.

FINAL DRAFT OF I AM SOMEBODY READY TO BE ILLUSTRATED BY ASHLEY EVANS AND PUBLISHED BY RUNNING PRESS KIDS (HACHETTE)

I am Somebody

a book about doing your part.

By: Nyasha Williams

Walking to the bus stop Monday morning, I tried skipping over cracks in the sidewalk. I saw so much trash on the ground. Somebody should do something about that. People need to remember to take care of and protect our planet.

When the school bus arrived, Syncere and Diego screeched, "Move out of our way!" as they pushed through everyone in line to get the choice seats. Somebody should speak up about that. People need to remember to honor others by waiting their turn.

Once on the bus, I found a seat, but just as I was about to sit down, I noticed chocolate milk spilled all over the seat, dripping onto the bus floor. Eww! Somebody should wipe that! People need to remember to clean up after themselves when they make a mess.

At school, Ms. Santos de la Rosa passed around candy to everyone for their science projects. Tatiana took three pieces of chocolate instead of one, so there wasn't enough candy for Yesenia and La’Mar, who were last. My heart started pounding. Somebody should say something. People need to remember to share with others.

At lunchtime, I sat with my classmates in the cafeteria. When Luna opened her lunch from home, other kids at the table started teasing her that the food looked weird and smelled bad. Their laughter echoed around and beyond our table.

I put down my taco midbite; I lost my appetite. Luna closed her lunch box and put her head down in shame. I felt awful, unable to make eye contact with anyone at the table. I knew the teasing was wrong. I knew that someone should tell them to stop. Somebody needs to tell my classmates to stop. It isn't kind or respectful to 'yuck' someone else's 'yum.'

At lunchtime, I sat with my classmates in the cafeteria. When Luna opened the lunch she brought, other kids at our table teased her, saying that her food looked weird and smelled bad. She re-packed her lunch and looked down at her lap, clearly sad. Somebody should tell the kids to stop being mean. People need to remember that others may like something that they don’t and that’s okay.

At recess, students lined up to get balls, chalk, and jump ropes from the activity cart. Dominic, who was in charge of handing out the equipment, only gave the items to his friends. Some kids walked away sad and frustrated. Somebody should remind Dominic about the importance of sharing. People need to remember that activities are for everyone to enjoy.

After math class, Ms. Santos de la Rosa said we were welcome to get our snacks from our backpacks. Justice and Paydon stayed seated with their heads down. I saw they didn’t have a snack. I went to grab my snack bag from home. . Somebody should give to others when they have extra. Wait, I am Somebody.

I walked over to Justice and Paydon and gave one item to each of them. I had one more thing left for my snack, which was just right.

When I got home from school, I hung up my coat and backpack. My mom was on a work call, and when she walked by, she tripped over toys my sisters had left in the middle of the floor. Please help me, she mouthed. I knew it wasn’t my mess and that the twins were responsible, but I also knew Somebody needed to clean it up. I remembered the importance of being willing to lend a hand and I cleaned up the toys.

At dinner, my dad asked, “What was your favorite part of today?” I told my parents about all the messes I noticed. I described how unfair Dominic had been at recess. I told them how sad it made me when my friends made harmful choices to others and me.

My mom put her hand on mine. “You are learning an important lesson and a hard truth. There are messes and injustices everywhere. Some we create, and some are made by others. But the true injustice to us and the world is to decide to do nothing at all." Dad agreed, “We must remember that our actions matter. We are all Somebody who can create change.”

I paused for a moment, thinking about my day. “I am Somebody, and as Somebody, I know I must show up each day and leave people, places, and the world better than I found them. Being Somebody means caring about future Somebodies.” My parents smiled.

The next day, Mom, Dad, the twins, and I got up extra early. We arrived at the park with trash bags, gloves, and trash pickers in hand. We knew cleaning up the whole neighborhood would be quite a big job, so we decided to begin with the parks where people play. A few folks saw us and joined in. They were Somebody too.

I learned that actual change takes time, perseverance, and patience. Somebody should take the time to help others and the world. People need to remember to stop, slow down, and care for others and the world.

I am Somebody.

I am Somebody who will leave the earth better than I found it.

I am Somebody with the power to change the narrative.

I am Somebody who will make a difference in the world.

I am Somebody.